Women! These days it's impossible to get it right...

I was raised to be polite and well mannered to everyone ('what's happened since?' I hear you cry), but especially to my elders, my betters and to the fairer sex.

These days, however, even the simple act of holding a door open for a lady can be fraught with danger, as I found out to my cost a couple of weeks ago when I held a train door open for a damsel in... well, in feisty feminist mode, as it turns out.

'I might be a woman but I can bear the weight of a door on my own, you patronising t***er,' was all the thanks I got for my chivalry.

Am I really to be branded an outdated dinosaur simply because I have old-fashioned values when it comes to etiquette?

Must I not compliment a lady on her appearance for fear of being labelled '˜sexist' or worse, '˜a pervert'?

My ideals might not concur with those of the right-on modern society (or even the government's), but isn't it all a bit silly and, actually, a bit sad?

And then I get other women reassuring me that they LIKE a bit of gentlemanly conduct and that to them it's refreshing.

One lady of my acquaintance confesses that she thinks the greatest tragedy of her adult life is that most builders are too scared to wolf-whistle her any more.

Confused? Yes, I am '“ and I'll bet that I'm not alone, either.

On a more serious note, equality in the battle of the sexes is a genuinely interesting area and opinions differ enormously.

I believe, for instance, there are certain jobs a woman should simply not be allowed to do.

For example, I believe strongly that once a woman who works in the armed or police forces becomes a mother, she should not be allowed to serve on the frontline. Her priority should be as a mother with her job coming second.

Does this make me sexist, or even a misogynist, in this day and age? Probably.

Previously when the world became a bewildering place I used to be to slink off to my shed, light up a huge Havana, pour a glass of claret, find the cricket commentary on the radio and celebrate the very essence of maleness.

Now, alas, even that boulevard of pleasure has been closed off, as the shed has been taken over by the females in my life.

My former haven is now home to my daughter's bikes and sundry dollies, pushchairs and Mrs B's collection of power tools. Women!!!!

With the Masters at Augusta behind us and with a glorious summer upon us, I'm once again dusting down the clubs to head out onto the fairway to attempt as little damage as possible to the greens.

I'd like to pretend that I'm not a fair-weather golfer but work, family life and a lack of daylight hours dictate otherwise.

I'm still learning golf and have been well and truly bitten by the bug.

So if you're lurking around Chichester Golf Club in Hunston and you see a Shrek-like character cursing but occasionally smiling then that will be me enjoying one of the most frustrating games known to man.

I'll see you in the 19th!