A Sussex author of a guide to motherhood on advice to mothers of young children and the challenges mothers face | Vicky Meets

​What inspired you to write the book? I was inspired by my own experiences, and I felt like there was a lack of acknowledgement for just how challenging being a mother is. A lot of self-care advice is really hard to put into practice when you're caring for children, so I wanted to write a book that took into consideration the complicated nature of keeping our sense of self-esteem while raising kids.

​The book highlights the effects of the pandemic on mothers. Can you elaborate? I think lockdown was quite an extreme example of how we as a society expect mothers to always be available to pick up the slack. The World Economic Forum estimates that the effects of lockdowns have put women's rights back four decades globally. Deeper than this, I think the sudden removal of the things millions of mothers rely on for their mental health – school, support from extended family, face-to-face contact with other women – has left a lasting impression.

What other challenges do you think mothers face? In the UK, the cost of childcare coupled with the soaring cost of housing and other essentials is creating a more and more impossible situation for mothers and their families. The UK has the most expensive childcare system in the world and this disproportionately affects mothers, forcing us out of work, stifling our creativity and ambition. Mothers who aren't in paid work, whether through choice or circumstance, face a rising cost of living that makes the important work of caring for children more and more difficult.

Attachment theory tells us that a mother's mental and emotional health is intertwined with her children's, and I've included the kind of tools that are possible to practice with children around, like simple grounding, journaling and self-talk techniques.

What is your best advice to mothers of young children? Take a breath. It sounds simple but it's the one thing that's always available, even in the most stressful moments. Take a breath before you beat yourself up for being an imperfect mother. Take a breath before you agree to take on another responsibility. Take a breath before you respond to your tantruming toddler.

Babies and children can sense our emotions, so taking just a second to calm yourself helps calm a panicked or overwhelmed child quicker than any other technique I've tried – and trust me, I've tried them all! There's no guilt or blame in losing our tempers; mothering is intense, unpredictable and challenging and it's going to happen – even if we know all the theory and advice.Mother Power: A Feminist’s Guide to Motherhood is published by Vie; find out more at poppyoneill.com

See also – A West Sussex-based soul doula on encouraging people to talk positively about death, dying and grief | Vicky Meets

A Chichester Pilates teacher on how the exercise builds strength and why qualifying as a counsellor complements sessions | Vicky Meets

The operations director of a Chichester wedding venue on how people tell their story and being ‘Queen of the spreadsheet’ | Vicky Meets